Dear Amy Leigh,
In the next three days, there are so many milestones. Tomorrow Keaton starts first grade. Friday you turn 41. Saturday will be 22 years since your mom killed herself. The last two weeks have been filled with sessions you have provided to over a thousand school staff members of self-care. You have led them to have compassion and empathy for themselves… you even suggested they write a letter to themselves showing them the empathy they need at this time… yet you have not allowed yourself to do such a thing for yourself. You have stopped yourself from truly showing compassion for you own self… so here it is… your letter.
22 years ago when you found out your mom had made the choice to leave this world you weren’t sure what you would do. It was the day after you turned 19 and while you were no longer a child you felt so small. Yet even feeling small you kept moving forward. You have often told others you didn’t have any option but to keep moving forward, but the reality is you did have a choice and you decided to keep giving life a chance even after life had hurt you to the core. At first, you just survived, but slowly through the years, you learned to really live life all while focusing on helping others. From the beginning, you wanted to turn your pain and hurt into service to others… and oh how you have done it.
You have been so hard and judgmental of yourself… never allowing yourself to fully see the goodness of your heart, instead choosing to focus on your shortcomings… never giving yourself the grace you freely give all those around. In spite of so much self-critique, you continued to move forward learning to no longer identify with being a victim but instead a survivor, a thriver.
Over the last few years, you have learned to fully embrace who you are, and what you bring to this world. Slowly you have focused on what gifts you bring and oh how remarkable it has been to see you fly and finally for you to embrace your own value… you see others have been trying to tell you for years the value you bring to life, but you have never believed them… but slowly you are starting to hear the message.
You have finally realized the goal of life is not to be perfect, but instead to be authentic, genuine, and vulnerable. You realize that you can trust yourself to face and deal with what life brings. You realize the strength in your soul and the beauty you bring to life. You have learned not only to fully be yourself but to fully embrace who you are.
Amy Leigh Bigbee Grosso, don’t for one minute downplay the strength, grace, and resiliency you have shown in life.