Living the questions

Today it was announced that I am the new Director of Behavioral Health at Round Rock ISD. I found out last Tuesday I got the job. I wrote the following blog that night (1/14/2020).

A quote by Alfred Adler is under my work email signature: “follow your heart, but take your brain with you.” It is no secret that I am an empath and most of my life my heart has been my guide. There have been many times I have questioned my path because it did not make logical sense. I never once felt like a decision was rushed or not well thought out… but my heart has been the leader.

My career path has had more turns and curves than I can count. When your resume in a little over ten years includes being a counselor, hospital chaplain, professor, transfer coordinator at a university, grant coordinator, and coordinator of future readiness, it is easy to question if your life has any direction. My dad was a wonderful example of making a HUGE career change before he was 40, but I have never felt like I had a career… more like a collection of jobs.

I saw a counselor for about two years when I was finishing up doctoral work in North Carolina. The two mantras that were the consistent theme for me was “trust yourself” and “trust life.” During the time a quote kept coming to my mind and is now one of my favorites.

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Part of my journey has been learning to live the questions, knowing the journey is more important than the answers. At times this quest has been easy and other times incredibly difficult.

One of the lowest points in my professional life was about ten years ago. I found out two years of counseling hours were not going to count towards my license. It was during the weeks that followed that I was honest with myself and realized I didn’t really want to be a counselor (this conversation with myself happened while driving on the back-roads of NC listening to Garth Brooks The River). I loved the field of counseling, mental health… but I didn’t want to be a counselor. Who has a MSEd and PhD in Counseling and says I don’t want to be a counselor? Less than a year later we were moving to Texas and it was my opportunity to change the direction of my career. Many thought I was crazy for not seeking licensure in Texas, but I knew (more like felt in my heart) it was not the path for me.

Over two years ago as I was the grant coordinator for a school district, I had the opportunity to help a group of students who cared about mental health. I slowly started to see how my experience, education, and passion could help a tremendous need. I started to feel a pull and excitement like I had never in any other job.

On Friday I was in an interview for the Director of Behavioral Health Services at Round Rock ISD. In answering a question, I told some of my career journey and started to choke up as I discussed being at this point in my journey. I was overwhelmed with interviewing for a position that is a dream job I didn’t even know was a dream a few years ago. I was brought to tears realizing my path now makes a little more sense.

I found out today I got the job. As I got home and could exhale I started to cry… then the quote from Rainer Maria Rilke came to my mind… and I realized I was living into the answer to so many of my questions… and I will sit in the calmness and be grateful for this journey with all of its bends and turns… I will be grateful I could trust life…. I will be grateful I have trusted myself… and I will be grateful I have found my career… and then I will continue on this journey where there will no doubt be more questions I must live into.

 

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