Last year about this time I was trying to decide what my one word for 2019 would be. The previous year was ACTION and taught me so much. I settled on the word “believe” and as the year starts to come to an end, I can’t help but wonder and consider the impact of this word on my life.
I am a rule follower. I try to be courteous to make other people’s lives easier. My remarkable father taught me from a young age not to be late. He instilled in me the idea if I am late I am not considering the schedules of others. My entire life I have found comfort in schedules and completing my calendar months… years in advance.
I have always believed me actions impact others… maybe even to a fault. I imagine the impact to others when I make a decision big or small. I completely believe my actions have an impact on others… where I falter is believing my actions have an impact on me. I am a person who suffers from what many call impostor syndrome.
Impostor syndrome is the idea of a person always feeling like they are a fake… they have somehow tricked others into seeing something in them that really isn’t present. The fear is one day everyone will discover the fraud we (I) am and our world will completely crumble. Impostor syndrome is an irrational fear, yet a strong and persistent fear for many, including me.
This has been a year I have had to completely face my impostor syndrome head on and decided which story am I going to believe. Am I going to believe the fears I have followed most of my life, or am I going to believe the truth of my present reality… the truth others consistently tell me? This year has brought opportunities and experiences I could not have even imagined. Instead of making my inner dialogue one of me just being lucky… I have had to believe my hard work, education, passion, and dedication has met tremendous opportunities to present my reality.
As much as I am courteous of others and believe my actions impact them, I must start to realize, believe, the fact that my actions impact me. Others support and believe in me not because they see some fake version of who I am… they support and believe in me because they see my actions. It is up to me to believe in the truth they tell me or believe the false narrative in my head.
Hear the melody that’s playing
There’s no time to waste
There’s so much to celebrate
And give your dreams the wings to fly
You have everything you need
If you just believe