The life I dreamed

“I can’t wait to see your dreams come true.” Such simple words he said to me seven years ago today. It was the day before Valentine’s Day and we were celebrating because we both had to work late on Valentine’s Day. We were at a nice restaurant sharing a yummy meal. As I was finishing my glass of wine and going on and on about life, he looked at me, pulled out a ring, and said “I can’t wait to see your dreams come true.”

Growing up I was the little girl that loved anything pink and dreamed of being a princess. I loved watching every fairytale and imagined the day my knight would show up to rescue me on his white horse. I would look through the JC Penny catalog at the wedding section and dream of the dress and wedding I would have one day.

When I met Matthew I was honestly scared of life. My mother had killed herself thirteen years earlier and a wrecked relationship left me numb. I was in a job as a mental health counselor that sucked all of my energy. From our first date over bagels, Matthew brought a calmness to my life. The more time we spent together, the more I realized somewhere over the last decade I had stopped dreaming and truly living life. I was in survival mode and I stopped believing life could be any different.

As our relationship developed, Matthew encouraged me in such a gentle, loving way to trust life again. He would remind me that “life does work out.” I would be difficult at times and explain because so much had happened in my life, I struggled to see how life does work out at times. He would continue to reassure me and be a calm presence.

So seven years ago as I was going on and on about not knowing what I wanted to do with my career, he loving looked at me and stated “I can’t wait to see your dreams come true.” The ring he had in front of him was beautiful, but it did not compare to the love in his eyes. In his eyes I saw someone who believed more in me than I knew was possible, and someone who truly believed in my dreams even when I didn’t.

Our wedding and life is not the fairytale I imagined and Matthew did not show up on a white horse or rescue me. Instead the dream I had as a little girl changed to the dream I didn’t even know existed. Instead of life being about the flashy moments, I have seen life being about the beautiful ordinary moments of life.. dancing in the kitchen, talking about life until late at night, a walk through the neighborhood, or sitting on the porch watching it rain. I also realized as much as I wish I would be “rescued” at times, that is not what I really need. In every obstacle or challenge, I have someone who takes each step with me, believing in me, trusting me.

Someone once asked how I knew I would love Matthew in twenty years. I replied, I don’t know if I will, but I know he is the person I want to love in twenty years. Matthew is the person with whom I want to see our dreams come true.

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