During the day when Matthew is at work, Keaton and I do lots of singing and dancing… ok I am the one doing the singing and the dancing and Keaton is entertained, or at least I hope he is. I read to him at times too, but he really likes the singing and dancing.
It is amazing how much I am willing to make a complete fool of myself to bring even a small smile to Keaton’s face. After each feeding, he sits in his bouncy chair and I sit in front of him. I have Pandora on… usually some 80’s music… and we go crazy! As much as a 34 year old and a 12 week old can go crazy!
The other night I finally realized how much he enjoys these crazy times. As I was dancing he started laughing!!! Not just a small laugh, but huge laugh. He kept on until the song was over. Luckily Matthew was home so he could video it all (yes I am so glad my amazing dance moves are recorded).
Christmas music is now our favorite for singing and dancing. Last week he watched cautiously as I sang and acted out the 12 Days of Christmas. One day Keaton’s reflux was not being nice and I was doing anything to help the little guy out. An instrumental version of Oh Holy Night started playing and I started to sing.
I have never been able to sing. Yes I am physically capable of singing, but I should not do it! You know you sing badly when your sister laughs at your singing when she sits next to you during a church service. I reserve my singing for solo car rides and now Keaton.
As I was singing Oh Holy Night, Keaton got the biggest grin on his face. He was experiencing pure joy. At first I thought the poor little guy has no clue what good singing is… but honestly I think it was irrelevant at that moment. Keaton was just happy his mom was entertaining him. He has no judgment on good or bad. It was one of the best moments of my life.
How nice it would be if I could have the same lack of judgment towards myself. I only sing in the car and with Keaton for fear of not sounding perfect… Keaton is teaching me this thinking misses the point. The point is to sing regardless. Good or bad is completely irrelevant.
I wonder how many things each day I stop myself from doing for fear of not doing it “right.” And I wonder how many wonderful moments I miss because of this thinking. I don’t want Keaton to grow up with this fear. I want him to try new things and live life to the fullest without wondering if he can do it perfectly…. And I know the only way he does this is by me modeling it. He needs to see his mom living and enjoying life, not trying to perfect it!