On Sunday, I’ll be boarding a flight bound for Lubbock, TX. While this might not seem like a big deal, for me, it holds profound significance. Lubbock and its neighboring small towns were the backdrop of my formative years. Sundown, TX, in particular, holds a signifiant place in my heart—it was where my family resided during my adolescence, marking the last chapter of our time together as a family of four before my mom died.
Months ago I was contacted on Facebook about being the main speaker for the Region 17 Education Service Center’s Mental Health and Behavioral Health Symposium on suicide prevention. Without hesitation, I accepted the invitation. As the event draws nearer, I find myself reflecting deeply on what this opportunity signifies for me.
Our relocation to Sundown occurred just before my seventh-grade year. Prior to that, we had lived in another small town outside of Lubbock called Ralls. We moved to Sundown with excitement and anticipation… and Sundown was a good place for my years until I graduated. I was able to participate in so many activities (basketball, cross country, track, cheerleading, debate, one act play, extemporaneous speaking). I graduated with 32 other students… so it was a small town. Small towns have a culture of their own that honestly can’t be understood unless you live there and many would say unless you were born there…
However, our time in Sundown concluded abruptly. My family moved the week before my official graduation to a town outside of Ft. Worth, TX. My dad had gotten a new job and it was welcome with both me and my sister at Baylor. Yet by the end of my freshman year at Baylor, everything started to crumble culminating with my mom’s suicide right before my second year at Baylor.
My mom taught me to Love Louder. So I go to Lubbock to love as loud as I can. I go to help others understand their love can save lives. I go wanting to make a difference. I go remembering my mom, Cecilia Bigbee, and the love she reflected everywhere.
I am not the same person I was when I gave my valedictorian speech at the 1997 graduation at Sundown High School. I honestly barely remember that self-conscious 17 year old. When I tell people I grew up in Sundown, TX, population 1200 they struggle to see me growing up in such a rural area… I struggle to see it too… I’m grateful for what it taught me, but it seems so far away.So here I am preparing to talk to educators about suicide prevention. I am preparing to help them understand the ways in which to support students. I go humbled with sharing my knowledge, experience, and heart, yet at the same time going feeling a heavy weight to help those who helped raise me. I go wanting to help provide understanding and knowledge to break down stigmas. I go wanting to make my mom proud.
Amy Bigbee Grosso, PhD 
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